


Stupidity and Moonshine (Under An Actual Moon, No Less)

by Dr_Roslin



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003), Battlestar Galactica - All Media Types
Genre: 20 Questions, Angst Simply Won't Leave Me Along, Bridal Shower, Drinking Contest, Housewarming, My Muse Refuses to Cooperates, New Caprica, No Pregnancy, People Can't Be Fixed, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Safe to Read if Triggered by Pregnancy, Who's Fraking Who, Women Being Awesome, Women Discussing Men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:14:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23179048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Roslin/pseuds/Dr_Roslin
Summary: Laura has challenged Ellen to a drinking contest despite Kara's best efforts. They are getting drunk, Kara is drinking water (and freaking out) and I'm enjoying every minute of it.
Relationships: Ellen Tigh/Saul Tigh, Karl "Helo" Agathon & Kara "Starbuck" Thrace, Karl "Helo" Agathon/Sharon "Athena" Agathon, Lee "Apollo" Adama/Anastasia "Dee" Dualla, Lee "Apollo" Adama/Kara "Starbuck" Thrace, Sam Anders/Kara "Starbuck" Thrace, William Adama/Laura Roslin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	1. Stupidity and Moonshine

**Author's Note:**

> Laura has challenged Ellen to a drinking contest despite Kara's best efforts. They are getting drunk, Kara is drinking water (and freaking out) and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Laura Roslin knows she’s done some stupid things.

Sleep with Richard Adar. Check.

Avoid mammograms like the plague. Ironic. Also, Check.

Maneuver Gaius Baltar into the Vice-Presidency. Frak. Definitely Check.

Still, challenging Ellen Tigh to a drinking game had to be one of the stupidest.

If only Laura hadn’t been maneuvered into attending Kara Thrace’s kind-of-shower-thing. If only she hadn’t been sucked in by the blatant desperation on Kara’s face. If only she hadn’t found Starbuck’s obvious distress an almost pleasant reminder of life before New Capica. If only being with Starbuck hadn't reminded her of her close friendship with a certain Admiral who resembled the young pilot in every way. Besides, Kara was Bill’s daughter, blood or no blood, and when a close friend’s daughter recruited you as her wingman, you went.

_‘Close friend.’ Well, I suppose that’s one way of putting it._

Still, Laura knew that she was being disingenuous. She knew she couldn’t blame her current situation on any of those factors. The fact remained that she was a grown woman, and therefore perfectly capable of behaving herself at a shower/bachelorette/housewarming…thing.  
  
If only Ellen hadn’t started with the snide remarks before they had even gotten through the door. ‘There’s tea on the counter.’ _My ass._ Obviously, Ellen had no idea the amount of casual drinking that went on in Graduate School, let alone the political arena. If that hadn’t honed Laura’s ability to pop a few and keep standing, the last year with Bill and the crew of the _Galactica_ would have.

Still, Laura knew that she should have listened to the memory of her mother’s constant lectures regarding proper decorum. _Let it pass,_ she would have said, _let it go_. The part of Laura that had never quite gotten over being the outsider, though, with big glasses and her nose in a book, fell victim to the smirk on Ellen’s face.

Screw it.

If she wants to play, we’ll play.

Laura had quite enjoyed the look of shock on Ellen’s face as she did a shot before grabbing a tumbler of moonshine. The shock on Kara’s face, though, _that_ had nearly given her the giggles. _Easy there, Roslin, hold it together._ Just to be safe, she filled another tumbler with water and kept it with her.

Things settled down shortly thereafter, or as much as it could, given it was attended by both Ellen and Kara.

The oldest of three daughters, Laura had grown up with women, and she forgot how much fun they could be. Perhaps it was true that she was often more comfortable with men, but there was a certain ease to being with your own.

Or maybe it was simply the enjoyment of watching Starbuck squirm. Laura hadn’t thought that was possible. Maybe there was a use for Ellen, after all; she seemed to be the only one bold enough to break through Kara’s tough shell.

Besides, given the composition of the party, there were quite a number of interesting conversations. It’s an age old truth that where there are men there were be conversations about women, and where there are women… In Laura’s opinion, the conversations women had were just as open, even if the tone could be different. In any case, given the composition of the party, there was certainly plenty to talk about. The men involved with Starbuck, Dualla, Ellen and Cally were pretty, well, pretty.  
  
And those were the conversations that took place in the open. She had to stop herself from imagining what Sharon Valerii’s contribution to the discussion might be. Bill had been trying to convince her for a while now that the Sharon on Galactica might actually be someone they could trust, but she wasn’t quite buying that yet. Still, she knew Kara and Sharon had been close, and she had to admit, her contribution to this party would have been interesting. Helo, was, after all, pretty damned fine.

 _Frak! Don’t imagine Cylon-human sex. Ahh!_  
  
She knew it took place, obviously, but there was _knowing_ , and then there was _imagining_.

Clearly, she needed to cut back on the moonshine. Still, all in all, a good time was had by all, and as the party wound down, leaving Laura with Ellen and Kara, she was beginning to think that she had been over-exaggerating the whole thing.

_Maybe we should do this more often._

‘So, Laura…’

_Then again, maybe not…_

Ellen had the bit firmly between her teeth. ‘There is so much that people don’t know about you, so many questions that your adoring public would like to ask.’

Laura tried to stop the mischievous genie in her brain from popping out.

_The details of my life are quite inconsequential._

Luckily, she kept that particular gem to her internal monologue.

‘That’s the advantage of being out of public office, Ellen.’ One of many. ‘I don’t have to cater to public whims.’

Unfortunately, she could resist only so much.

‘Seriously, Laura, it’s just us girls here. Come on, spill. Earth. The visions. The Cure. Cain. Bill. Baltar. Let us in on just a few of your secrets.’

Frak it.

‘You show me yours, Ellen, I’ll show you mine.’

Kara, to her credit, and despite the large amount of booze she’d drank, tried to nip it in the bud. ‘Uhhh…well, this has been fun, but we really should- ’

‘Relax Kara, lighten up. Laura knows she can trust us.’

Kara leaned over and tried to talk some sense into her Glorious Leader.

‘What the frak are you doing? Ellen? Do you want all of your frakking secrets all over the fleet? I sure as hell wouldn’t!’

‘Relax, Ellen can be trusted can’t you, Ellen? As you said, we’re all friends here. And we’ve all got skin in the game.’

‘Yeah, but Ellen doesn’t care who knows her frakking life.’

‘Oh, Kara. We all care what people think. And we all have secrets. Now sit back, enjoy your shower, and let the adults play.’


	2. Secrets and Cylons

Starbuck had seen drinking contests before.

Well, perhaps _seen_ wasn’t the right word. Mostly she was in 'em. So she wasn’t exactly sure why she felt so scared _(scared? Yup, scared),_ as she watched Laura pour a shot in Ellen’s glass. Perhaps it was the impression of watching two large, wily, predators circling around each other.

_Please don’t make me drag their frakking asses to Cottle,_ she thought. _I’m already on thin ice with the Old Man. I’d have to tell him Madame Prez got into a fight with Ellen, and I’m not sure I'm ready to make that call._

So Kara, thinking of the Admiral in the _Galactica_ currently punching holes through space upstairs, did something she had never thought of doing before. She switched to water. Gods knows she was already more than half in the bag, but this way she might be somewhat alert.

‘Well, Kara, as Ellen is a visitor to our _lovely_ planet, we should allow her to start, hmm?’

‘Well, _thank you_ , Laura, you’re just too kind to a visitor such as myself.’

_Oh, gods, oh, gods, oh gods…_

Kara reassured herself that there were no sharp objects within easy reach as the women settled in.

Looking like an exotic bird of paradise in her matching pastel pink outfit, Ellen adjusted her perch on the military-issued camping stool and dove right in.

‘So, Laura, exactly how many people did you airlock?’

_Oh, gods, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods…_

‘I wasn’t aware that I had airlocked any.’

Ellen giggled, ‘Fine. How many Cylon, then?’

Starbuck watched in horror at the slow, cold, smile that swept across the former President’s face…

‘Every single frakking one I could find.’

‘Other than the Sharon in _Galactica’s_ brig, of course?’

‘Obviously.’

‘Because Bill _trusts_ her.’

‘Because Bill trusts her.’

As simple as that. Starbuck knew that the however much Laura trusted him, she didn’t let the Old Man get away with anything that easily. Especially since she had been perfectly ready to put Sharon out the airlock in orbit over Kobol. Still, she had to admit, the former President was good at selling the bluff.

Adama had also been trying to convince Kara that the Sharon in the brig might actually be a real person, as well as a Cylon, but she still didn’t know what to think. Maybe it was just that she wanted to believe it too much. She had never had a ‘baby sister’ quite like Boomer, and she wanted badly, maybe too badly, to have her back. She knew that the Sharon in the brig wasn’t the same Sharon but sometimes it was just too easy to forget.

She watched, with both respect and dread, as Ellen did the shot and slammed the glass on the table.

She poured a shot in Laura’s glass and leaned back, as if to say, you’re up.

‘So, Lee.’

‘Mmmmm…’

‘How hard did you try to frak him?’

Kara tried to keep the water from spraying out of her mouth.

She failed.

Ellen’s laughter filled the room.

‘Pretty frakking hard.’

Laura absently patted Starbuck on the back as she coughed and sputtered. Other than that the two older women paid little attention to her as she tried desperately to recover and _breathe_.

‘The look on his face mid-way through that frakking dinner party!!! What were you doing? Playing footsie under the table?’

‘Actually, my foot was _considerably_ further up.’

Starbuck had never heard Laura Roslin laugh quite that hard. She should have been surprised, but she was too focused on remembering how to breathe.

_In through the nose. Out through the mouth. In through the nose…_

‘I really thought I had him on Cloud Nine when he suggested I follow him to the bathroom…’

Again, water came spurting out of Starbuck’s mouth, _What the frak?!?!?!_

‘…but then it turned out he was just trying to hide me from the terrorists.’

Laura sighed. ‘Well, that didn’t go well.’

‘I know. I’m sorry, Laura, I know how much Billy meant to you.’

Kara sighed internally. That operation had been a disaster. Not only had she shot Lee during the rescue attempt, but Billy Keikia, Laura’s aide, who had been almost like a son to her, had been shot as well before bleeding out on the floor. She’d been devastated.

Lee had eventually forgiven Kara for shooting and almost killing him that day. She doubted he'd ever do the same regarding what she had done a few nights ago. _You’d done it this time, Starbuck._ She told herself. _You’ve officially driven off Lee Adama._

Meanwhile Laura and Ellen had moved on and were dissecting her almost-soul mate.  
  
'Come on, you have to admit that he is something.’

‘He is something. I'll admit that I really wouldn’t mind it if he took his shirt off more often.’

‘And his pants.’

‘And his pants.’

Kara was so distracted by the two women’s giggles that it took her a minute to realize that they had both turned to her and were waiting expectedly.

‘What?’

‘Well…’

‘Come on…’

‘Ok, what the frak?’

Laura gazed at her expectantly with a mischievous look on her face. ‘Close quarters on the _Galactica_ … you and he are always… that kiss…’

‘Which kiss?’

Ellen interrupted, ‘Wait, what? Spill!’

‘I meant the kiss on the _Astral Queen_ …how many others have there been?’

_If you only knew._

‘Come on, Kara, spill. Describe Lee without his shirt.’

‘Or his pants.’

Laura was laughing so hard at this point she could barely get the words out. ‘Or his pants.’

Starbuck decided that discretion was the better part of valour at this point, and took a quick shot.

‘No frakking way.’

Which of course, only set them off again. At this point, their laughter must be keeping the entire neighbourhood up. Who knew they could both laugh like that?

‘Fine.’ Laura leaned over to fill Ellen’s glass again. ‘But don’t think we aren’t coming back to that.’

Kara devotedly hoped not. _Can’t wait to tell Lee about this, he will not believe… oh, right, frak._ Lee had stood by her through anything, had been the one person who understood her better than she did herself. She had done everything in her power the last couple of years to push him away. But he kept coming back. He had never given up on her. They fought as much as they flirted, (and they flirted a lot), but until the night of the party, they had never frakked. And oh gods, that night, how they had _frakked_.

And then, of course, she’d frakked it up, the closest, most necessary friendship she’d ever had. As she’d always known she would.

He scared her, though, with his single-minded determination to find a way to make it work, to bring it out into the open, to be together. _It’s simple,_ he said, _tomorrow you tell Sam, and I tell Dee, and then we tell everyone._

_Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods…_

Surely it was against the will of the gods to be this happy, to be this full… And to have it all depend on one single person. No, that was too much like tempting fate. What would it be like when they lived together? Well, they lived together, now, but what if they really lived together. She knew she was impossible. She knew it. He knew it. But he wanted to do it anyway. What did he see when he looked at her? And what if he stopped? Oh gods, what if he _stopped_?

She couldn’t risk it. She panicked. She made the easy choice, the safe choice, and she dragged Sam down to the riverbank and she found a priest and she continued with the process until she felt the weight lift off her chest. She could never disappoint Sam. He loved her, and he believed in her, he accepted whatever she did and whatever she felt. He was there for her.

But he never looked at her like she was water in the desert.

She was going to disappoint Lee eventually, she was going to break him eventually, so she might as well get it over with. At least that way, she didn’t have to live with the dread. At least this way she knew when he would stop looking at her that way, and at least this way, she was prepared.

But the look on his face when he saw them walking through the market….

Oh gods. It had hurt even more than she could have imagined.

Reluctantly, she turned her attention back to the conversation, where Ellen and Laura were still discussing Apollo’s attributes.

‘I’m telling you, I get it, I do. He has very nice shoulders. And arms. Definitely the arms. They are just, wow.’

‘Come on, Laura, you can do better than that. Admit it. You’ve noticed his ass. The gods have noticed his ass. And I’m sure there’s a six pack under that uniform. You could probably do laundry  
on that thing. You know, if I did laundry.’

‘Yes, Ellen, I think everyone’s noticed his ass. But if I was picking, he has exceptionally nice eyes. And those cheekbones could cut _frakking_ glass.’

‘Cheekbones? Really?! Frak off.’

‘What? I like cheekbones. I like other things too, but I’m a sucker for cheekbones.’

‘Of course you are. The high and mighty president – ’

‘Ex-president.’

‘- can’t be caught staring at men’s asses.’

‘Oh, shove it.’

Laura shot her moonshine expertly before reaching over and filling Ellen’s glass. ‘You’re up.’

‘Since we’re on the topic of frakking, how often are you and Bill at it?’

And Laura’s laugh was off again, though this time, Kara could have sworn she saw her eyes dim for a moment.

‘Seriously? How am I frakking him when I’m down here and he’s up there?’

‘He visits.’

‘Not enough.’

_Ain’t that the truth,_ Kara thought.

‘Come on, everyone saw you the night of the party. Or rather, didn’t see you. Where did you wander off to? Off to explore his _cheekbones_? One minute the two of you are in the corner giggling and drinking, the next you both just disappear for the rest of the night. And don’t tell me you weren’t severely hung-over the next morning.’

‘We weren’t.’

‘Really?!? You weren’t? I find that hard to believe.’

‘No, really we weren’t…’ Laura couldn’t hold in the giggles. ‘…‘cause we were still stoned the next morning.’

At this point, Kara wasn’t sure how many more shocks her system could take.

‘Well, well,’ Ellen purred, a mischievous glint in her eye, ‘the leaders of the fleet, off by themselves, getting stoned and gods know what else. What would the press say about that?’

‘We’re all friends here, remember? Besides, I’m not the President of the Colonies anymore, am I? Just a private citizen. What I do on my own time…’

‘When you’re not teaching our vulnerable children…’

‘Oh, frak off! That’s bullshit and you know.’ Laura took a sip, water this time, Starbuck noted thankfully. ‘I’ve always hated that. "Teachers have to set a moral code in their personal lives, blah, blah, blah." Such frakking bullshit.’

‘Ok, fine, but don’t think you’re getting off that easily. If not that night, what about before? You two spent a lot of time together, by yourselves, cuddled up on _Galactica_ …’

‘Oh, yeah, as we ran for our lives and struggled to survive. When we were cuddled up with fuel reports and briefings on food rationing. Not to mention,’ Laura smirked at Ellen, ‘holding _seductive_ conferences on the progress of the Cylon detection unit.’

‘Ha, ha.’

‘Seriously, though, there was also so much to worry about. And there was that distance between us. First he hated me…’

‘And you thought he was sooo proper.’

‘And I thought he was sooo proper. Wait, he _is_ so proper.’

‘I know, right? I’m like, come on Bill, relax, have some fun. Enjoy the party a little bit. Live a little.’

‘You just want him to live a little so that he’d let Saul live a little.’

‘Um, yeah.’

‘Anyway. Plus, I was dying, and then there was Kobol, and he was pissed at me…’

‘Oh, yeah, he was _pissed_ at you.’

‘Why, thank you, Ellen. I wasn’t sure.’ Laura’s voice dripped sarcasm.

‘Not a problem.’

‘I thought to myself, "did I imagine being arrested and having the man throw me in the brig - ?"’

‘Nope, I was there.’

‘Well, that’s good to know.’

‘You’re welcome.’

Laura giggled. ‘And then I was this prophet, this Dying Leader, ‘cause that’s sexy, and I was still dying…’

‘That’s gotta suck.’

‘You’ve no idea. And, I don’t know, we were just friends. I’m still not sure exactly how that happened. Partners, sure, after Kobol, but friends? He made that speech welcoming me back, and, then, I don’t know, it was just as though we’d suddenly been friends forever.’

‘Close friends.’

‘Well, yeah…’

‘Yeah, Laura, close friends.’

‘Yeah…?’

Kara broke in. ‘What she means is, friends don’t usually look like they’re being eaten alive from the frakking inside the way he did when you were…’

‘On my last legs? On my deathbed?’

‘I’m serious. You saw what he was like when you were in Sickbay. Like a frakking tin man.’

Laura cocked her left eyebrow. ‘A tin man.’

‘Yeah, a frakking hollow one. Wound up on the outside, with nothing but frakking grief on the inside.’

‘Why, Kara Thrace, who knew you were a poet.’

‘Be serious, Laura, the man adores you.’

‘Yeah? Well, he could stand to show it a little more. He’s just so proper. I can see him thinking, Must hold oneself two inches from the President – ’

‘Ex-president!’ Ellen and Kara sang.

‘Frak! Ex-president – ’

‘Hey, it’s your rule.’

‘ – at all times. Even,’ here Laura stopped to give them a look, ‘when she’s no longer the President.’

She shoved the shot glass at Ellen. ‘Anyway, drink.’

Ellen did, then filled up Laura’s and shoved it back at her.

Starbuck didn’t want to hold back. They’d been drinking; she could spill a few secrets. She leaned in to speak quietly to Laura, her words meant for her ears alone. ‘You know why he does that, right?’

Laura stared at her, seemingly intrigued. ‘Why, to get his money’s worth of the invisible tape measure he keeps in his pocket?’

‘No. I'm pretty sure it's ‘cause when he touches you, even in the smallest way, he doesn't seem to want to let go.’

She was rewarded by the shy smile that crept across Laura’s face like sunlight.

Laura met Kara’s eyes for a moment before blushing and ducking her head, pleased. Meanwhile, Kara was grateful that Ellen had missed the by-play and was busy pouring the next round of shots. If she’d heard it she would never let the Old Man live it down, and the Roslin-Adama connection was too precious to her for it to be exposed to Ellen’s mockery.

‘So Ellen, how long do you think it’s going to take you to browbeat Saul into moving down here?’

Ellen’s whole body quivered with repressed indignation. ‘Frak! I know, right? I can’t believe we’re stuck up there! Everyone is down here, living, and we’re stuck in that damn ship of his!’

‘Well, to be fair, it’s not like we’re living in paradise down here. Don’t be fooled by the party the other night. Most of the time it’s trying to drawing out supplies, digging in the dirt, and dealing with Baltar. Oh, the triples Ds. Oh, and this is as warm as it going to get. Even that’s not supposed to last much longer.’

Starbuck shivered. ‘Yeah, I’m not looking forward to winter.’

‘Yeah, especially without enough supplies. Winters here are supposed to be brutal; long, damp and grey, and we don’t have enough clothing, fuel or shelter. Plus, Cottle tells me that medical supplies are likely to be exhausted quickly.’

Ellen snorted. ‘Well, aren’t you a downer? Why don’t we just trade places? We’ll move down here and you can live up there in your precious _Galactica_ with your precious Admiral. Talk about cold. Nothing happens there. It’s just the same, day after day after day. Saul is always on shift, there’s no one to talk to, and I spend my days alone. Waiting…’

‘Does Saul really want to move down here anyway? I always got the impression he was happiest in the fleet.’

‘Yes, his precious fleet and his precious duty and his precious Bill. I’m so frakking sick of it. I want to try new things, and meet people and live!’

‘So you’re moving here next week?’

‘Ha, ha, very funny. Not unless I can convince Saul that there’s more to life than a battlestar.’

‘Really? Can I say I was always a little surprised that you didn’t move down here with everyone else. I mean, I know you love Saul, but surely if you felt that strongly about it you could move down here first and convince him to move down later. I mean, once he realizes that the Fleet can live without him.’

‘Assuming that the Cylons don’t come back.’

The three women clinked their glasses and did the shot as one. ‘So Say We All.’

‘So Say We All.’

‘Anyway, oh, no! I’m not leaving Saul in Bill’s clutches; I’ll never get him back. The two of them would be happy rattling around in the moldy old ship until the end of time. I just have to keep working on him, get him away from Bill’s bad influence.’

‘Hey!’ Starbuck had heard enough. ‘From what I can see, you are the bad influence in Saul's life, not the Old Man!’

‘I’m his wife! I have rights too! But all I hear is Bill, Bill, Bill! _Duty, duty, duty!_ I’m so _frakking_ sick of it!’

Laura stepped in before Kara could take Ellen’s head off. ‘Ok, so it’s going to take you some time to convince Saul to move down here.’

‘Yes! Frakking Bill.’

‘Frakking Bill.’

Laura was still in the process of doing her shot when Ellen shot her next question at her.

‘So why aren’t you? Frakking Bill?’

Starbuck filled Ellen’s glass and shoved in it her face. ‘You might as well do the shot, she’s already answered the frakking question.’

‘Happy to.’ Ellen drank. ‘But I don’t think she really did.’

‘Umm, think I did. Remember? Plus, he’s still up there and I’m still down here. Don’t think that’s changing any time soon, especially if Gaius frakking Baltar has his way.’

‘Why, Laura, are you being disrespectful of our honorable President? How inappropriate of you.’

‘I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re talking about.’

Starbuck giggled. ‘I’d love to be a fly on the wall for meetings between Baltar and the Old Man.’

Ellen piped in. ‘Yeah, my impression has always been that he couldn’t stand Baltar. I know Saul can’t.’

‘Bill will do his duty – ’

‘Yeah, he’ll just hate it.’

Laura gave up. ‘It’ll be fine.’

Ellen and Starbuck both snorted as Ellen leaned forward and filled Laura’s glass.

Kara watched the former President’s face as she debated her next question. She could almost see the wheels moving as Laura focused on how to frame it. Who knew that Laura was mischievous?

Starbuck knew that Laura was capable of just about anything; some pilots had taken to calling her President Airlock, or simply Airlock, and Kara had first-hand experience with that aspect of her personality. Her time on Kobol had impressed on her that Laura Roslin was a force of nature, one to be reckoned with.

But mischievous? Who knew?

Laura turned to Ellen. ‘So you’ve never? Frakked Bill?’

And _apparently_ , also a smart-ass.

Starbuck pictured the Old Man and Ellen together and shuddered. _Yeah, we could sell frakking tickets to that._ At least for a couple of seconds. Before they ripped each other to shreds.

Again, Ellen laughed and did the shot quickly. ‘No, dear gods, no, never. To be honest, _eww_.’

‘Not even to frak with Saul?’

‘Not even to frak with Saul.’

‘Not that I object,’ Ellen continued, ‘but when did this turn into a game of twenty questions regarding who’s frakking who?’


	3. Twenty Questions

‘Not that I object,’ Ellen continued, ‘but when did this turn into a game of twenty questions regarding who’s frakking who?’

‘Now that’s a game we should play.’ Laura filled Ellen’s glass, and holding her own up, she indicated that they should do the shot together.

‘Zarek?’

Both women did the shot and Ellen re-filled the glasses.

‘I’m thinking it would be _so hot_. He’s still _hot_ and then there’s all that pent up stuff from those years in prison…It’d be hot. _Hot_ , fast and hard.’

Laura did a bit of a grimace but conceded, ‘He is charismatic, I’ll give you that. And still hot. I would have liked to have seen pictures from when he was young, before he went to prison. I’m pretty sure he was _gorgeous_ , if only a little bit pretty.’

‘Nothing wrong with pretty.’

Laura shrugged. ‘Occasionally.’

She filled the glasses again as Ellen asked, ‘Cottle?’

This time Laura definitely grimaced.

‘Ok, _now_ I need the shot.’

Swallowing the moonshine, she leaned back slightly, the only indication Kara had so far that the booze was starting to hit her. ‘The man’s my doctor.’

‘Laura, he’s _everybody’s_ doctor.’

‘Yeah, but he’s _my_ doctor. Remember, all the time I spent in Sickbay? Not to mention all the needles and the treatments and the shots? Half of them he insisted had to go in my ass.’

Ellen waggled her eyebrows.

Laura smirked. ‘Not as fun as it sounds. Plus, he has the worst bed-side manner, _ever._ And does he _ever_ take that smouldering weed out of his mouth? Eww.’

‘Still kinda hot,’ Ellen interjected.

‘Do you think _every_ man is hot?’

‘Point, but still, he is.’

‘Ok, yes, but…no. Just no.’

Laura filled the glasses again, the smirk on her face the only warning.

'Gaius Baltar.’

Both women shuddered, therefore completely missing Kara’s wince of dismay.

‘Attractive, maybe, in a way, but something tells me he’s the _worst_ in bed.’

_You’ve no idea, Laura._ She winced again. _Of course, it doesn’t help if you call out Lee’s name while Baltar’s frakking you. Opps._

Sleeping with Baltar was the beginning of her really messing her relationship with Lee, and she still couldn’t think of that night without wincing. _What was I thinking?!? Oh, yeah, I wasn’t frakking thinking, I was just doing the first thing I could think of to make sure I didn’t actually sleep with Lee and mess everything up._ She grimaced.

_Well, that went well_.

Ellen tried not to giggle as she responded to Laura.

‘Yes, I thought he might be interesting when I first met him that night after Bill’s dinner party, but really, he is _so_ full of himself.’

‘And strange.’

‘And strange. Really, really strange.’

They giggled. This time, Ellen filled the glasses. ‘Felix Geeta.’

It was Laura’s turn to do a spit take. ‘Lieutenant Geeta? No! He’s like twelve.’

Ellen smirked. ‘I could teach him some things.’

‘I bet you could, but still. No.’

‘Ok, last one. Helo.’

‘ _Helo,_ Helo?’

‘Helo. Lieutenant Agathon. _Helo_.’

‘Hmm.’

Both women took a moment to consider, and from the looks of their faces, Kara knew they were picturing things she’d rather not think about.

‘I would climb him like a mother-frakking tree.’

‘Why, _Laura Roslin!_ ’

‘He would drive me _nuts_ after five minutes, but if we’re talking just sex…’

‘Just sex.’

‘Like a mother-frakking tree.’

Ellen sighed. ‘Mmm.’

Suddenly, they both turned to look at Starbuck and she wanted to crawl under the table.

_‘What?!’_

‘Well,’ Laura pushed. ‘You’ve known him forever, right? Did you or didn’t you? And if so – ’

‘Definitely, if so.’

‘ – spill.’

The two older women spoke as one as they swiveled to stare at Kara. She struggled not to panic.

‘ **No!!!** _No, no, no, no!_ Friends, remember? Best friends! No, no, no!’

‘ _Really?!_ How could you not have tapped that? Just once?’

‘Ellen!’

‘Ok, fine. Then just describe him with his shirt off.’

‘And his pants.’

‘And his pants.’

‘Yeah, give us that much.’

_Dear frakking Lords of Kobol!_ These two were going to kill her.

‘No!’

‘Spoilsport,’ Ellen sulked as she poured the next shot. ‘Still your turn.’

‘Then I’m back to the original question. You and Bill. I have to say I’m surprised it hasn’t come up; haven’t the three of you known each other since you met Saul? What’s that been, like decades?’

‘No, Laura, it has not been _decades_.’

Laura giggled.

‘I’m not saying that I haven’t hinted to Saul from time to time that I _might have_ , or that Bill might have hit on me – ’

Kara did another spit take.

Laura just smiled. ‘Can’t see that.’

‘Nope, he never did.’ She sat back reflectively. ‘But anyway, I would never actually – just eww.’

Laura leaned in just as Kara was about to go full-tilt in defending the Admiral. Sure, he was like a father to her, but hearing Ellen dismiss him like that – _really?_ _I mean, he was still really viri_ – _Handsome! Handsome! Handsome!_ That was it – _Handsome!_ – for an old guy. She shuddered.

Laura beat her to it.

‘Come on, the man’s _smokin’_ hot.’

And it looked like this conversation was heading in a direction Kara really didn’t like. _Where were the frakking earplugs when I need them?_

‘Really? Come on, Laura, of course you have to think that, you’re dying to do the mambo with him. I just prefer my men a little less…stoic, and a little more…lean.’

‘You do like ‘em skinny.’

‘ _Ripped._ I like ‘em ripped.’

Laura giggled. ‘Hence, Apollo.’

‘Now there’s an Adama I could get to know better, if you know what I mean.’

‘Oh, we all know what you mean.’

‘His arms are almost as nice as Kara’s new husband’s.’

‘Sam’s arms are really nice, Kara.’

‘They really are. I told you. Ballplayers.’

_Oh dear gods, what did I do to frakking deserve this?_

‘Also,’ here Laura paused to wink at Kara, ‘his cheekbones are quite spectacular.’

She looked over to Ellen who had finally lost it and was laughing uncontrollably. ‘I added that one just for you, even though it is true.’

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

‘I guess it would be rude to more thoroughly discuss Sam’s physique in front of his new bride, right?’

‘Probably.’

‘Also to dig for details from her as to how hot he is bed?’

‘Also rude, yes.’

‘Well, I’m nothing if not a lady, Laura. _Anyway_ , yes, if I was trying on an Adama for size, Lee would be my choice.’

‘There’s something to be said for experience.’

‘There’s something to be said for _vigor_.’

‘Oh, I’m sure neither of them lack, _vigor_.’

_Oh dear gods… Frakking Lords of Kobol, please hear my prayers…_

‘Kara, feel free to jump in here any time to support me regarding Lee’s… _vigor_.’

‘Not really here right now,just sitting here in this corner, pretending that I’m in a whole different frakking galaxy and that this whole conversation is not _frakking_ happening.’

Both of the older women laughed.

‘Kara’s having a difficult time right now.’

‘Clearly.’

‘Clearly. Look, Apollo’s very nice. And only slightly adorable - ’

‘That’s not the word I would use.’

‘- He’s got the eyes, and the cheekbones – ’

‘ – and the rock-hard abs and the biceps and the ass – ’

‘- yes, yes, we’ve established the ass. But… Bill Adama is just _frakking_ fine. Have you not seen the shoulders? _Have you not seen the shoulders?_ The eyes? Plus, his smile should be illegal, though he it rarely comes out.' She smirked. 'When he smiles I start searching for nearby isolated areas.’

‘Really, Laura? It’s the smile you focus on? Somehow I doubt that.’

‘Plus the voice. Now, when he lowers his voice, I give up on isolated areas and just concentrate on _horizontal_ ones.’

It was at this point that Kara decided she should just zone out of the conversation. The easiest thing would have been to call it a night, but she couldn’t. Besides the fact that the Old Man would kill her for leaving Laura drinking alone with Ellen, Kara wasn’t one to leave her wingman behind. _Even in situations where I’d rather stuff my ears with tylium and light them on frakkin’ fire._ Laura had done her a solid by coming here tonight, and Kara believed in seeing it through.

‘Laura, you’re crazy. Clearly sexual frustration has affected you. Wait, I’m not imagining the frustration part, am I? ‘Cause if I am, I want to know _who_.’

Laura laughed. ‘No, no one. Meanwhile, I stand by it. _Mmmm._ Bill Adama. Frakking hot. Besides, when it comes to men, sometimes you need a little heft…’

Laura was the midst of making an inappropriate motion with her hands to emphasize her point, but glancing at Kara out of the corner of her eye, she decided against it. She giggled, and demurely returned her hands to their folded position in her lap.

Ellen smirked. ‘Heft?’

‘Yes, heft. Just in general, and also, you know, in case he’s got you jammed up, say, against the bulkhead and your legs are wrapped – ’

‘FRAK!’ Kara cut it off right there. ‘Frakking give. Give. GIVE! Talk about something else! Anything frakking else!’

Ellen and Laura exchanged a laughing look before Ellen topped them both up and they drank as one.

Kara sighed in relief. She had not expected two of the strongest women she knew to spend twenty minutes treating Lee and the Admiral like potential frakking sex toys. The fact that she was extremely close, (or had been, at least), to both of the men in question made her want to bang her head against the table.

_Thank the gods my tent is far enough away from the frakking neighbors; if word got back to them..._ Apollo and the Old Man were the two highest ranked officers of the Fleet, the commanders of the _last_ battlestars, the most powerful weapons the Twelve Colonies had ever seen. In addition, despite their stoic demeanors they were by definition Bad Ass Mother Frakkers.

And if they heard of this conversation, their heads would explode.

‘All right, Laura, think it’s my turn.’

‘To be honest, I can’t remember, so I’ll take your word on it.’ She leaned over and filled Ellen’s glass.

Kara wasn’t sure if she was praying for a miracle or just whining…

_Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods, oh gods…_


	4. Lay Down Your Burdens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be the last chapter, and then 6 months later this sort of epilogue just popped out, fully formed. I'm going to post that tonight, just to finish this off, fair warning, it's a chapter of angsty crisis management.

Laura didn’t remember much of the evening past that point. She’d lost count of the shots they’d done by then _(twelve? fifteen?)_ , though they had slowed down considerably after that distinctly adult game of twenty questions. She vaguely remembered deflecting Ellen’s questions regarding her ‘miraculous cure’ from cancer, and the mention of Baltar. 

_Wait, had she proposed a toast to ‘Gauis frakking Baltar’? Really? Surely not._

She also sure they had discussed the Pegasus, Helena Cain and the curse the ship seemingly placed on her commanding officers. (She could only hope Lee would be immune.) In any case, Laura remembered shutting that one down pretty quickly, given Kara’s unreasoning admiration for Cain. _Frakking psychopath._

Kara had walked her home, taken her boots off, dropped her in her cot and covered her up. Laura was pretty sure that the sun had been coming up at that point, but she wasn’t entirely sure. Thankfully, she had been proactive in taking the day off from teaching and had stayed cuddled up comatose in bed, cursing Ellen’s name. _She_ , apparently, had been fine before returning to the _Galactica_ later that morning. 

At some point during that day, Laura realized that she still didn’t like New Caprica, would probably never really like it. Still. She was very fond of (some of) the people who lived there. She also realized that they were stuck here for the foreseeable future. So she was glad she had gotten to see Kara and Ellen without their tough shells. She just never intended to drink with them again. 

_Although, come to think of it, for a girl with her reputation, Kara didn’t do a great deal of drinking. Damn her._

_I am never doing shots again._

She kept going back to her earlier conversation with Bill.

_What if this **is** our future? Shouldn’t we embrace it?_


	5. Cylons, Crisis Management and TP OR: A New Caprican Fever Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should come as no surprise to anyone that BSG was prescient in many ways, least of all when it came to crisis management. It turns that Felix Geeta knew exactly what he was talking about when he fixated on toilet paper. 
> 
> Who knew?
> 
> The finale to this is a little more angsty than I had planned, but, well, it's _Battlestar Galactica_ , and muses often don't play fair.

Laura Roslin thought the universe had lost the ability to surprise her. 

During many a sleepless night a year later, Laura had trouble getting the events of that night out of her head. Even with the events of that year; the exodus from New Caprica and Baltar’s trial and Earth, disastrous Earth, and, especially, Ellen’s return, Laura kept coming back to her (somewhat fuzzy) memory of a night spent with laughter and moonshine. And Cylons. 

And while she was well aware that there were many things on which she was not an expert, Laura Roslin had always been sure that she knew Cylons. 

_Well. I thought I knew Bill Adama, too._

Cylons, the ones she knew, those on New Caprica and those she had met previously during the long exodus from the Colonies, were cold. They were single-minded, manipulative, and they were often border-line sociopathic. Even the Eights, the ones known as the Sharons, the ones who tried most to engage with humans, never seemed to get that humans were not things that could be _fixed_. Indeed, the never-ending public-service announcements on New Caprica seemed fixated on that very concept. 

‘Trust us,’ they seemed to say. ‘We can _fix_ you.’

But whether it was in regards to their governance, or their relationships, or their gods, humans simply did not want to be fixed. After decades in government, Laura had long recognized that simple fact. The Cylon never did. For all of their ‘gifts’ of antibiotics and modified food stuffs and purified water supplies and toilet paper, they never realized that continually trying to ‘fix’ the Colonials would only alienate them. Their proclamations of their superiority of their civilization and that of their One True God and their efforts to 'raise' humans to that level only encouraged feelings of resentment, not interest. 

Ellen Tigh, on the other hand… Since the moment that Laura had met her, during that (in retrospect), hilarious dinner party with the Adamas and Tigh, Ellen had been the very antithesis of how Laura expected Cylons to behave. She was just so _human _. The same could be said of Sam and Saul and Tory and Chief, and Laura knew that the Final Five were considered a different type of Cylon, even within their own culture. Still, Ellen broke the mould. She was bold. She was loud. She was often obnoxious, often drunk, often out of control, and she was obsessed with gossip.__

____

Laura’s time with the New Caprican Resistance had changed her perspective on a lot of things, the Tighs being only one of them. Ellen Tigh _was_ manipulative, and loud, and obnoxious _and_ prone to sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong. She was still the same person Laura had met in Bill Adama's quarters that night during the Exodus. Ellen was _also_ strong, surprisingly resourceful, brilliant, and unwavering in her commitment to her husband. Laura knew herself, and she knew that she wasn’t strong enough to do some of things Ellen had done to get Saul out of prison.

____

The Resistance may have been united, but it was still composed of individuals, ones who often disagreed. Laura had violently disagreed with the use of suicide bombers, and she had violently disagreed with the punishment meted out to Ellen, perhaps more so than Ellen herself, who always seemed ready to live with the consequences of her actions. She was simply her bold, uncompromising self. Her job had been to keep her husband alive, and she had been prepared to do whatever it took, even at the cost of compromising others, herself, or even Saul.

____

_Who knew Cylons could be passionate? Who knew they could be warm? ___

______ _ _

Laura had had trouble moving past the events on New Caprica. More than she’d expected. It was silly, really, considering everything that came after it, the disappointment of Earth in particular. Still, she just couldn’t seem to bury the lingering memories from her time on that frakking mudball. Maybe because their time had started so badly, with the election she'd failed to steal, or maybe it was simply because the Occupation of New Caprica had meant the end of so many things. 

______ _ _

The end of innocence.

______ _ _

It shouldn’t have been, considering that the Fall of the Twelve Colonies had proceeded it by almost a year. Still, in her mind, the Exodus was divided into two parts. The first, with the Fleet united, working as one to survive; and the second, with the fleet fractured, her people fighting among themselves and damaged, inside and out. 

______ _ _

Despite this, the impact of the Second Exodus hadn’t hit her until they’d reunited with Baltar, the former president arriving unexpectedly in the wake of events at the Eye of Jupiter. Laura knew that her depth of her bitterness had been the reason for her insistence on blaming Baltar for everything that had gone wrong that year. She knew that was why, despite his hesitation, she’d pushed Bill to use unorthodox and dangerous methods - unethical to say the least - during Baltar’s interrogation. It was why she’d pushed the prosecution to add more and more charges to Baltar's indictment, why she’d pushed for a conviction at any cost.

______ _ _

When Baltar was found innocent a mere days after she’d received confirmation that her cancer had come back, when Bill admitted he had voted for Baltar’s acquittal _(not guilty is not the same as innocent)_ , her simmering anger had turned into outright rage. She could control her feelings when she knew Baltar would soon be gone, but when it became clear he would walk free…She’d had to bury her rage while focusing on pressing events, but it had never really gone away. She’d _thought_ it had, later, on that Cylon Basestar, when she’d made the decision to save Baltar, to embrace live, to find Earth. But it just kept coming back. 

______ _ _

She knew she had to get past it. Past the rage at the Cylons, at Baltar, at Earth, at cancer, at Bill. At herself. She knew she was hurting people by disengaging, by keeping them at arms-length, by retreating into herself. She had to find a way to start living again. She knew that. She just didn’t know how. 

______ _ _

Maybe that’s why the memory of that night kept popping into her head.

______ _ _

Maybe she didn’t know Cylons as well as she thought.

______ _ _

Maybe she still had things to learn. 

______ _ _

Maybe the universe could still surprise her. 

______ _ _

______ _ _

______ _ _  


Maybe it was time to see if she could still surprise herself.

______ _ _


End file.
